I just read your book “Why He Disappeared” and really appreciated the great info.
I have not “lost” the guy I’ve been dating for the past 3 months, but I need to fix some of the mistakes I was starting to make. and 1 in Oct.) when we saw each other on Saturday and Sunday (but no sleepover) we have only seen each other once a week.
Sometimes it's guilt -- a feeling of being unfaithful to a lost partner.
Sometimes families oppose new ties -- adult children fearing that a new woman will undermine the sanctity of their parents' long marriage.
Perhaps some of them were even a little nuts before they were widowed (we are changed by our losses... I also think that widowers with children still at home (most of the widowers I know fall in this category) are a bit more justified in hanging on to "stuff" from their past lives and sharing family (like in-laws) and memories a bit more actively.
This is a giant set of exceptions that negates, for me, a lot of Abel's advice.
He takes you to trendy restaurants and shows you off to his friends. Pure grief is not the only reason a widower won't commit.
After months of listening to him endlessly extol someone who is not you, it's tough to sustain the nurturing spirit that's said to be part of a woman's DNA. It can overwhelm a man who takes on a new relationship when he mistakenly believes he is emotionally ready.
He loves the attention you lavish on him and he tries to reciprocate. Some women spend years orbiting a world of grief that is not their own.
Romantic love is a central expression of a good, meaningful, and flourishing life.
Without love and desire, many people feel that a large part of them is dead.
The lover is perceived to be "the sunshine of my life," and for many, without such sunshine, decay and death are all around.
Even in one of the darkest period of history, the Holocaust, people fell in love despite the risks of expressing it.